It is not just our strengths that make us strong. Strength comes in many forms. We exercise our mind, body, and character through teaching. Our minds go through rigorous efforts of teaching through books, our own experiences, and learning the practices of others before us. The body is taught to build muscle through activity, whether be it the gym, sports, or laboring work. Our character gets battle-tested in which we learn through disagreements, fights, and pain. Us OCDoers become battle-tested. It is up to us to find the strength in our weaknesses.
We fight OCD every day. From this it leaves us with scars, tears, and wasted effort that we cannot get back. At the peak of this disorder you’ll find chains which imprison our mind. You’ll find a reflection of our weakest self. Above all that, we find the version of ourself that can not escape it’s grip.
Fighting OCD is like fighting someone who is equally strong. Someone who is equally creative as us too. But this bully excels in manipulation and persuasion. So even when we win, we are convinced we have lost. Our efforts do not have to be a waste. Once we realize the strength in our weaknesses, our battle-tested character can forge weapons out of anything.
1. Battle Of The Mind:
I consider myself very open-minded. In which OCD has taken advantage of this and I have apparently allowed it. I find closing ideas off to what we already know leads to a lack of understanding and compassion. I choose to listen from a different perspective when the opportunity presents itself. This, in fact, opens the door for OCD to dance on in.
While it two-steps in the door like an old-school pimp twirling it’s cane, I would two-step within the cracks of a sidewalk. Not just these blocks either, but blocks everywhere – department stores, kitchen tiles, you name it. If it contains edges, and I were to step foot within, best believe I counted my steps. The rule OCD and I would agree on is that as long as it was an even number, my stepping would not harm anyone.
Each stutter step felt strange – it would give me a weak feeling. 2 steps in this block, 4 steps in that block, with an upcoming larger block needing 10 steps or more. In public, I would perform a long jump after I got to my even number to avoid that odd step. Or, I would perform a quick stuttering two step if it fit. This would get old, quick, although I did it for years. It would also suck up all of my focus.
Soon, everything would have to be in pairs, until the number 4 had meaning. This made things difficult as everything now had to be 2, 10, or 18. UGH OCD… You make me so angry just thinking about how weak I felt.
This was the first to be addressed once recovery became an option. As an example of strength in our weaknesses, I used this for battle purposes. I started by doing nothing in pairs on purpose and my OCD did not enjoy it. I was not following our rules which lead to constant fear of demise. Stay strong, until I eventually stopped counting steps altogether. What was once a major weakness became a weapon, and in return, mentally stronger.
2. Strength For Strength:
My workouts do provide an opportunity to actually feel stronger than my OCD. Smashing a good workout allows me to get all in the face of my OCD and begin to push back. It’s when I don’t give it my all or my any for that matter, does it get to rub it in.
Especially when I want to quit during. I get sluggish physically and somehow the same happens mentally. I beat myself up for it and so does my OCD. Recently, I’ve tried to use that point, when I feel weakest, to give myself a jump start to provide an extra push somewhere.
See, the strength in our weaknesses here, is that normally our mind is ready to quit exercising before our body is. I have found a great push right there in that weakest point. Verbally, out loud, I pump myself up, just to give my best. Even if it’s just for a bit more. I get to train my mind, while training my body for those later battles with my OCD.
Reminder to self: Failing occurs before the win.
3. Character Flaws And All:
As a teen, I had a foul mouth. I dropped F bombs, D bombs, shit bombs, and other offensive language. To be honest, I can remember how good it felt – the feel of freedom. My parents did not want me having such a sour flavor in my verbal, but I turned it off around them. Around my friends we’d exchange these bitter chitter chatters. Amongst our teachers and parents we sugar coated each word off of the tongue to match our settings. It felt like a talent to be able to bounce back and forth.
As I got older, so did that feeling. Each time I dropped a bomb or even held on to that bomb as just a thought, my OCD fed me with guilt. It got to the point where any bad language felt horrendous internally. The only time I could freely flip the bird in a phrase was while drinking. Dang!
I was convinced that my swearing made me the villain, an unloving being, and evil. Dang, really OCD? From a few choice words that were not in the direction of anybody and sometimes not even spoken? UGH OCD! To spew it or to think it would result in compulsions of apologies of all sorts. If I apologized in person, the looks would reassure that it was really no big deal. But that’s not how it felt.
My “apology” quickly turned to whispers to avoid criticism. Yet, criticism would find me anyhow – through guilt in the form of OCD. This became a weapon to fight against OCD. My character had been battle-tested and found a weak spot. As a result, foul language sprinkled here and there gives me the sense I can regain that freedom. The strength in our weakness – I cuss back at OCD and don’t give a damn fuck – lol.
The Strength In Our Weaknesses:
Weakness is strength – Another teacher that our mind, body, and character can learn from. As someone who has suffered with OCD for over twenty years, I am learning to use my OCD as strength. That is what I consider recovery.
Not just being able to cope with it, or being able to dismiss it – I strive to conquer it and use it as an asset. Use this weakness as an advantage. There is indeed strength in our weaknesses, with OCD at the forefront.
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Let me know if you found this helpful. I am curious to hear your spin. Leave a comment or find me on Twitter @UghOCD or Instagram @brentleybigkid.
