I propose a heart to heart conversation. I often think “where would I be if I were to never allow OCD to get the better of me”. If I were to have stopped it in its track at first glance. But instead, I flip it now, and I think “who I CAN be as a result of recovering from this disorder”.
Any OCDoer can relate. Sometimes it feels as though we are too late to recover. Like we are too deep in, and its claws hurt just as bad on release as it does full grasp. Its release is not an easy one when we’ve become so dependent on it to begin with. At first glance we don’t recognize it due to stigmas burying the truth about it. So we perform compulsions, unknowingly, that allow this monster to get stronger.
That’s why others and myself fight so hard to voice our stories and concerns. To replace the stigma with truths so that someone else can cut it off at the root before it feels too late. So I ask you, OCD, where is your truth?
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A Heart To Heart About The Truth:
You get a bad rap don’t you? Or rather, a good rap to those unfamiliar with your true intentions. Is that why you allow it? You allow the truth to be hidden so that you can pounce on the next great candidate. You’re not as complex as we make you out to be, but your complexity comes because your truth is only our truth. You lack reason to the world which makes you adaptable, and makes us vulnerable.
You’re alright with that aren’t you? I don’t mean to put words in your mouth, although that is what you do to me, but I know you. When I say your adaptable, you’re like a chameleon. You can resemble so many things. Oh, you’re cleanly or organized. Wait, you cause guilt and regret. Please… we all deal with that. Or you’re the worrying disorder. So, just stop worrying. You bring anxiety, who doesn’t. Intrusive thoughts? Have you tried just not thinking about it? What else – Rumination, magical thinking, fear, repetitiveness, broken alarm, or you cause social incompetence.
You’re not just one of those things, or only restricted to this list. To us OCDoers, you are every and some of these things and more. You’re a different combination to each one of us making you a complexity to pinpoint you’re truth. But heart to heart, one on one, I know who you are. I know your truth. You’re an asshole, a bully, a con, thief of the moment. You thrive on your truth being hidden from the world, and allow the stigma to gain traction.
Adversity Makes You Stronger:
And no, I’m not talking to you here. I am having a heart to heart with my fellow OCDoers. You can just sit in the corner, or gaze over my shoulder as I type. OCD, yes you, is a huge adversity university. There are lessons to be learned here.
I can’t just keep thinking about where I would be without OCD. Its adversity has to have taught us something by now. Instead I focus on recovery, as most of us do, because who the hell want’s to keep inviting this monster in? If it’s a thought to never have had OCD, then it can also be a thought of recovering from OCD. Imagine that feeling.
Isn’t that a better moment to look forward to now? We can’t actually change the fact of OCD being apart of our past, but we can going forward. To know we’ve squared up with our monster and claim victory. It brings me to tears just thinking of it. Where I am now compared to where I was with OCD brings me joy. To hear it from others too… We know what it means. We get each other.
A Heart To Heart With OCD Recovery:
Right, don’t we get it better than anybody else? Though our disorder complexity might be a bit different, we know what it means to find recovery. I want it, I want it for you, as well as you do. What would it mean for you to recover? You can probably answer that quickly.
You’ve thought about it, we’ve all thought about it. As a result, we know the importance of recovery. But it’s not that easy is it? Oh the grasp it has on us all. Recovery is just as hard because it means we intentionally have to invite the monster to face us one on one. We know all it’s tricks, yet it finds new ways, new triggers, uses old triggers in new ways. Ugh OCD!
It’s persuasive and has helped train our minds. We must now retrain, fight through the adversity, so that we can succeed. Success means playing out the question asked earlier – “What would it mean for you to recover?”. If your answer is like mine, it means EVERYTHING!
The OCD Stigma:
Oh yeah… and fuck your stigma.
Let me know if you found this helpful. I am curious to hear your spin. Leave a comment or find me on Twitter @UghOCD or Instagram @brentleybigkid.
